"Hats Off" to the Prize Patrol

“Mom, I really, really want this.” My nine year-old has just shoved a brochure under my nose.

“What is that thing?”

He rolled his eyes. (This is becoming his automatic response to everything I say or do.)

“It’s a Super Sipper Sombrero. See?” He points to the page. “You can attach two milk bottles to either side, and they have straws. It also has a fan on the top, in case I get too hot.”

“Too hot?”

Eye roll. “Yes…see? It serves salsa…mild, medium or hot. The chips are extra.”

Ahhh…yes. The PTO fundraising season is here. Twice each school year, we go through this. He brings home ten catalogs and begs for me to buy 25 items so he can show off the winning prize to his friends. Within two days, it’s on the floor in the family room, never to be touched again.

But this Super Sipper Sombrero was the MOST hideous I’d seen of all prizes. I preferred last year’s furry purple gorilla that bellowed “Feed me bananas!” as his long arms hung from the bedroom door knob.

The thing I can’t get over with these fundraisers is that the items are quite pricey, and the quantities are quite small. C’mon…should I really pay $15 for a 50-count tin of Gummi Berries? I did the math. That’s like $.30 per berry!

I can buy a bag at the store for 50 cents.

I know, I know…it’s for a good cause. But I think I’d rather spend 50 cents on the Gummi Berries package and take the other $14.50 and donate it to the PTO.

Or better yet, keep it and not buy the berries at all.

But unfortunately, the PTO doesn’t give out Super Sipper hats with each purchase.

I looked through the catalogs and found only two things that I thought we absolutely needed: a fur remover mitt for the greyhound and a 50th Anniversary Celebration of Table Tennis Coasters Set.

Much to my son’s chagrin, we didn’t make it to 25 items.

But that’s okay. He still gets a belching pink frog.