Want My T-Shirt?

His voicemail was between a message from a co-worker and a hang-up.

“Hi, Tina!” he chirped. “My name is Rick Alabaster, and I would very much like to talk to YOU. Please call me back.”

Under normal circumstances, I don’t return a voice message if the caller doesn’t state why he called in the first place. But, this wasn’t a normal circumstance. I had just returned to the office from vacation, and wasn’t quite in “work mode” yet.

So I called him.

"Oh, it’s YOU!," he said, upon picking up the phone. “I’ve heard so much about YOU. It’s a pleasure to talk to YOU.” His saccharine-laced voice was starting to irritate me.

“I’m sorry, but do I know YOU?”

“Oh, well now,” he chuckled. “I knew YOU would ask that question. I’m a headhunter, uhhh…of sorts…and YOU...come highly recommended.”

“Who recommended me? I didn’t know I was so popular.”

He erupted into peels of laughter.

Now, I know I can solicit a laugh or two during a conversation, but I’m not THAT funny.

“Oh, you’re a hoot, Tina! That’s what the person who recommended you said, too.”

Again, the mysterious recommendation. “OK, so who is it?”

Pause.

“Um,…her name is Brenda Merrrtennferrrf…”

“Hmm…” I said thoughtfully. “I don’t know any Brenda Merrrtennferrrf.”

“Oh, sure you do! She's an old friend, and says YOU would be a great edition to our team. I work for AmeriNationSnerklePlan. We’re a subsidiary of the AmeriSnerkleWerppleFund Company. Maybe you’ve heard of us. We’re in the process of opening 45 branches in the Phoenix area.”

Rick went on for five minutes, waxing about Snerkle’s greatness. But I had already figured out what he was looking for…a salesperson disguised as a financial planner. “Why don’t we set up a time for an interview? I’d love to meet YOU and talk about this opportunity.”

“Thank you for the call,” I said flatly. “But I’m not interested in working for the AmeriNationSnerklePlan.”

Rick stopped laughing.

You see, I’ve been down this road before.

Last year, I joined a Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) company that sells skin care products. Being new to MLMs, I was seduced by the idea of earning millions of dollars while sitting on the beach, sipping fruity adult beverages.

The words from my “up-line” -- also known as Vice Presidents -- still ring in my ears.

Tell them your WHY story!
DON’T mention selling or multi-level marketing.
Tell them they can make $100,000 in one year!
DON’T mention that they have to invest at least $750 of their own money.
Always remember SW x 4! (That’s short for Some Will…Some Won’t…So What?...Someone is Waiting.)

Unfortunately, no one was waiting FOR ME.

Armed with glossy catalogs, hand cream samples and blazing optimism, I met with people from my “Top 100” list. I attended training workshops sporting my oversized "SW x 4" T-shirt. I even dropped a glass bead into an old mayonnaise jar each time I got a “No, thanks.” (Some of the head honchos claimed that by the time my jar was full, I would be a Vice President.)

The weeks wore on. I had collected enough beads to string three dozen necklaces.

Now, I believe growth comes from stretching outside the comfort zone. And while I also believed in the products, (except for three garish lipstick colors and one cream blusher)it just…wasn’t…working.

I didn’t feel comfortable pursuing people and convincing them this was THE GREATEST OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME…but they had to take advantage of it before the end of the month.

That’s not to say that network marketing doesn’t work. There are many people who are quite successful at it. They have loads of Tiffany bracelets, Coach purses and fancy cars. And large families.

So, I threw out the beads and filled the jar with my toddler’s crayons.

And that’s what I thought of when Rick Alabaster started laughing at my jokes. I’ve been there. Done that.

So What…