Amazing. Unbelievable. Was that a typo?
These are some of the e-mails and comments I received after my last post about attending a silent retreat.
Allow me to set the record straight.
Yes. I went TWO WHOLE DAYS without talking. Except for the brief time I spent hiking in the surrounding desert. I tripped on a rock and got walloped in the face by a Velvet Mesquite branch. At that point, I started swearing out loud.
However, the silent retreat was a wonderful experience. I highly recommend it. It was relaxing and peaceful.
But I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I had a spiritual experience when I was there. This event was so unique and SACRED, but I feel I must share it with you. After all, what happened to me should be noted in all New Age books.
And that note would be, “Tina Miller-Steinke is the first woman ever to be kicked out of a labyrinth.”
But let’s start at the beginning…
“Find inner peace! Joy! Enlightenment! Resolve the questions in your life!” The crinkled brochure beckoned me from the stack of reading material atop the desk in my guest room.
I studied a picture of the labyrinth on the front cover. It showed a dirt circle, separated into corridors by rocks of various sizes. In the middle was a boulder, big enough to sit on.
Unlike a maze, a labyrinth has only one way in and one way out. The center of the labyrinth can be likened to going within the interior of your soul. By moving through the circular path, you can face fear, doubt and frustration…replacing it with contentment, love and happiness. Once you’re in the center, enlightenment is sure to follow.
At least, that’s what the brochure said.
Eager to find out what I could do with the rest of my life, I decided to try it.
On the way to the labyrinth, my mind was jumbled. What should I ask about? What did I want to know? What does the future hold for me and my family? Why was my last supervisor such a psycho? Would Frankie Goes to Hollywood ever schedule a reunion tour?
Squinting my eyes against the late morning sun, I read the fine print on the tattered brochure.
Prior to entering, open your mind and allow thoughts to drift in and out as you make your way through the labyrinth. Perhaps you want to pose a question as you enter. Listen for the answer.
I wanted to make it simple, so I decided to ask, “What is the meaning of my life?”
I stepped into the labyrinth. I took a deep breath and began to follow the rocks that lined my way. And listened…for the first thing that popped into my mind.
Cotton candy.
I quickened my pace and rounded another corridor.
Cotton…candy? You mean to tell me that I ask for the meaning of my life and I get…cotton candy? Does that mean my life is full of fluff?
I proceeded along the circular path, but by now, I couldn’t concentrate. I’m thinking that the meaning of my life is about a sticky substance most people try to pass off as food.
Out of frustration, I felt like kicking the rocks out of their pristine order. Then, I remember I’m supposed to remain calm and wait for inner guidance along my way to the middle.
My mind drifts back to the cotton candy. Do they still make it in a blue and pink swirl? I start thinking of the last time I even ate cotton candy.
It was 1976.
My mom took me to a carnival in the small Missouri town where we lived. Always the gourmet carnival food connoisseur, I dined on a greasy fish sandwich and lukewarm grape soda that night. No meal at the local yokel fair is complete without cotton candy, and I made mine a double.
A few minutes later, I thought it would be a good idea to go on the Ferris wheel. A few seconds after that, the ride operator found out it was a bad idea to be standing underneath my lucky bucket.
Sickness. I rounded a corner in the labyrinth. Maybe my life needs more vitality?
I ruminate on the symbolic meaning of my life as it relates to junk food and angry carnies.
Then, I look down and notice I’ve changed directions.
And just like that, I find myself at the entrance of the labyrinth. This big dirt circle just KICKED ME OUT! How could that be…I didn’t even get to the middle!
I scour the brochure. Unfortunately, it doesn’t offer any advice about what to do when you’re bounced out of the labyrinth before making it to enlightenment.
I sat on a nearby bench, knowing what happened. My life’s purpose wasn’t about the cotton candy or the carnival ride. My hasty exit was the Universe’s way of showing me that I need to quiet the chatter in my head before I can listen to the guidance from my heart.
Because I wasn’t paying close attention, the labyrinth found a way to escort me out until I was ready to go in with an open mind.
I weighed my options. I could go back to my room and count mini-soaps. Or, I could enter the labyrinth again, focus my intention, and release the thoughts that didn’t serve me on the way to the center.
I decided to enter again. And this time, I made it to the middle! There wasn’t a great "AHA!" moment, but I sat on the boulder for at least 30 minutes. I expressed appreciation for the blessings in my life, and asked for continued support with recent changes.
That was in January. Six months later, my life is much different. I believe it was the act of releasing that helped me gain clarity in my life. For example, within weeks of sitting on that rock, I found a new job in a healthcare/non-profit, two fields that always interested me.
But some things never change.
Yesterday, I was grocery shopping and came upon a woman who was giving away samples of “fun foods” for the Fourth of July.
“Would you like to try some?” she asked, holding out a paper cup of cotton candy.
Of course, I took it. After all, I’ll do anything to get to the bottom of a pink and blue swirl.
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